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Self Confidence vs Self- Esteem

Growth Talk: Self- Esteem and Self -Confidence. What’s the difference?

Hey there! Hope everyone is having a fantastic week. I’ve been making an effort to do some deep dive work on mah self, analyzing the reasoning behind some of the past decisions I’ve made around money. As you might know, there is a definite connection between how we feel about ourselves and our spending patterns.

I know that for me in my 20’s when I was living with the fam bam in Florida, the fact that my career seemed to be stalling , that I never went to law school or took the LSAT for that matter , left me feeling

somewhat unaccomplished and on bad days like a real loser! The truth was I didn’t really know what I wanted to do for a job and just focused on having THE flyest wardrobe. My boss at the time quipped that I must have a storehouse of clothes because she’d never seen me in the same outfit twice. Oh yeah I looked great but I got to take home $15,000 in credit card debt as a consolation prize. It hit me years later that during my spending frenzy, my self-confidence was at a real low. Or was it my self esteem? Is there a difference?

Self-Esteem – how we feel about and view our whole self

Self-confidence -how we feel about our abilities 

Self- confidence is a slice in your self -esteem pie. Self-confidence feeds into your esteem and can either enhance it or bring it down. You can feel confident in a certain area in life but still have a distorted view of yourself in totality. This manifests itself when we attempt to learn a new skill or create a budget and fail the first time. We may say things like  “I’m so stupid , I’ll never get this” or  ” I’m useless”. Clearly, you are NOT useless, you’re just not exactly a budgeting expert, yet.

Once I identified the reasons why my spending was out of control and made an effort to stop negative self talk, my money management improved. I just finished reading a book by Maxwell Maltz entitled , “Psycho-Cybernetics” and it was such an awesome read (I will do a more in depth review in the near future) ! It was written by a plastic surgeon in the 1960’s who was inspired to write about self image in a book after seeing his patients seeking to fix a surface scar when the real damage lied in their skewed perceptions and irrational thinking about themselves.  He wrote that “self-confidence is built upon an experience of success”. I’m seeing this come to true now in that once I decided to take charge of my finances, my debt balances are the lowest they’ve ever been! I also am feeling SO much better about me and my direction. As a result, my self image (or self-esteem ) is improving not because I’m some new person but because I’m engaging the strengths that I’ve had all along. Once I changed the way I saw me and stopped tying my self worth to a job, position, socio-economic status, a particular degree, I finally felt in control!

I loved the way Maltz describes what changing self image really means:

“Changing your self-image does not mean changing your self…but changing your own mental picture, your own estimation and conception of that self.  The amazing results that follow from developing an adequate and realistic self image come about not as a result of self-transformation but from self -realization…Most of us are better, stronger more competent now than we realize. Creating a better self- image does not create new abilities talents, powers, it releases and utilizes them. The Creator does not make defective products so there is no sense in viewing it as such”.

So the takeaway is to change your perception of self and build that self-confidence on a series of successes to raise your esteem. Stop the comparison game. We are ALL good at something once we identify what those things are, our perceptions of our total selves will sharpen into focus.

Is your self esteem levels negatively affecting your finances? Please feel free to reach out to me below or at strongfragilefinance@gmail.com to chat!

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